"Loved to Death" Highlights the Tragedy of Teen Violence and Break Up Precipitating Murder- This is Not Love, People. This is Obsession & Violence.

Beautiful "Duck Run" Where Nature Shows How Little Ones "Pick Their Person(s)"

VAWA Produces "Mapping Prevention" of Family Violence, Highlighting Prevention Programs Around the USA!

ADHD Kids Have Higher Risk for Problems with Substance Abuse- Just Published

Parenting Approaches Demonstrated: Lead with Empathy & Avoid the Power Struggle

Road Safety: Always Wear Seatbelts! Wonderful PSA from England

Whew! Times... They Are a 'Changin'... Empty Nesting Prep 101-A

Fascinating phase of life... Our youngest (her daughterness) asked me a few weeks ago: "Mom, what are you going to do without me?" (Half of parenting is deciding when it is ok to laugh and when it ISN'T!) I reflected "Well, that is hard to imagine... I will have a lot of trouble knowing when the light turns green, which way to turn, how to set the table and pour the milk and ..." 

I love the fact that she sees the world from her 17 year old perspective! She is incredibly sweet and thoughtful, while she retains the fervor and teenager central focus- that piece which is so absolutely necessary for successfully launching... We'll see... So far, so good... In the meantime, we are repainting our little soon-to-be-empty nest and I really am thinking that I may well need help in order to know when the light turns green... and so it goes... :-)

Massachusetts Indicts 9 for Contributing to Phoebe Prince's Suicide

E Secure Video

reBlog from annyjacoby.wordpress.com: Anny Jacoby, Personal Safety Expert

I found this fascinating quote today:

The most common, persistent and intrusive of all stalkers, the rejected stalker is obsessed with someone who is a former romantic partner or friend, and  who has ended their relationship with the stalker, or indicates that he or she intends to end the relationship.  Depending on the responses of the victim, the stalkers goals will vary, and the rejected stalker usually struggles with the complex desire for both reconciliation and revenge.   As Mullen writes,  ”A sense of loss could be combined with frustration, anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, and sadness in ever-changing proportions.”  This stalker may be very narcissistic, and may feel humiliated by the rejection.  In most cases, they will have poor social skills and  a poor social network.  They are also the most likely to try to harm the victim in some way, and may employ intimidation and assault in their pursuit.  They may become jealous if their victim enters or continues a romantic relationship with another person.  A history of violence in the relationship with the partner is not uncommon.annyjacoby.wordpress.com, Anny Jacoby, Personal Safety Expert, Jan 2010

You should read the whole article.

My Happy New Year Wishes

Best Wishes to all, for a healthy and blessed new year. In the honor of the new decade (does it start with 2010 or 2011?) I have attached this photo as a symbol of my image of "hurling oneself into the fray." Fray negotiation is not for the faint of heart... Rather than avoid it, we must GREET it, RISE to the occasion, EMBRACE the difficult conversation... while avoiding any and all temptation to escalate, retaliate or lose our focus on our greatest value... that of moving the discussion forward and maintain the connection...

Atlantis: Rise Above, Be Bold and Abhor Bad Acts

I was having a conversation with one of my teenagers this week, we came across the light topic of "So, Is Man Basically Good or Bad?" Her argument was "They are bad."

I protested, she politely listened and then made the following speech: "No... we are basically bad and we have to be taught to be good. Then, it takes effort and energy and care to behave well.... Think about it. It is easier to blow someone off than to strive to reach them... It is easier to be rude than to be considerate... It is easier to eat with our hands than use a fork... It is easier to wipe our mouth with the back of our hand than to use our napkin..." I am deeply moved by these last several arguments... Maybe this child is seeing something which I have ceased to appreciate... Then she absolutely floored me by saying "I see how you are polite, you are kind, you insist on teaching us manners, grammar and taking the high road... I see you are disappointed when you see other people act like that... They just don't know any better... See? So, do I win the argument now?"... Wow...

Suicidology and the World Health Organization

Just a pretty button?

The recent rash of suicides among teenagers at Gunn High School in Palo Alto reminds me of the wealth of data available from the World Health Organization (WHO) about "Suicide and the Media." This information is readily available to the public about how these things should be handled. Their guidelines, which are published with updated statistics each year, do not advocate or support the current practices being followed by this community. 

Please do not push the button. 

http://www.who.org

Family Therapy: Breaking Through the "Hostage Situation"

" I Feel Like We, the Parents, Are Hostages to our Children!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-ySzmn1FOE takes you to a link for the Video Clip on Structural Family Therapy, developed by Dr. Salvador Minuchin. The focus is on understanding the family's structure, the distinction between the subsystems (parents in the "luxury boxes" vs. children in the "cheap seats") the distribution and problems associated with power within the family "system" and the "joining" of the therapist to the family, in order to understand the family functioning and to address these characteristics: rigidity, overprotectiveness, lack of conflict resolution skills and enmeshment. It is important to pay particular attention to the interpersonal conflicts and alliances... Caveat: Family therapy is much like cleaning out the proverbial front hall closet- the one with the old skates and tennis racquets and the parts of the vacuum cleaner that look like 14th century weaponry... It looks worse before it gets better... The "overindulged" sector will resist the empowerment of the "parental sector" with varying degrees of force. The longer the disharmony has been in play, the more resistant the force. The therapist must use timing, humor, empathy and curiosity to start the illustrious change of events... Please check my playlist on you tube for other demonstrations of what this family therapy looks like... it really is not a mystery... just fasten your seat belts for the first 8-10 meetings...

Sibling Rivalry Is Not Just for Kids!

Sibling Conflict: When Not To "Let Them Work It Out"

I saw it again, today... I think I see it almost every day or two... I was in the nursery (plants) and there were two little girls bickering and a STTM (stressed to the max) parent. As I looked around, all of the dozen or so adults looked tense as the girls escalated the behavior. Finally, the parent snapped... "Of COURSE, you are going to start crying now, right?" They probably had no idea how much all of us empathized with their plight- how to deal with little girls fussing without feeling like a inadequate parent. Not true! We're all in this, together, and we need all of the support we can possibly get!!

Thoughts for next time? Intervene early, tell both children that whatever the item or activity may be, it is now on a time out, due to their behavior. Deliver all of this in a mild, yet firm tone. When they protest (which will be in unison) empathize with their disappointment and resist the urge to tell them why or yack about fault... "I hear that you all are disappointed. We will try this again in an hour or so..."

And, then... Glide on....

How to Talk to Your Children About Swine Flu- from the Association of School Nurses

Talking to Children About Swine Flu (H1N1): A Parent Resource 

Concern over Swine Flu (H1N1) can make children and parents anxious. Although to date very few people in the United States have become sick, there is uncertainty about how far and quickly the virus will spread. Acknowledging some level of concern, without panicking, is appropriate and can result in people taking actions that reduce the risk of illness. Helping children cope with anxiety regarding the flu requires providing prevention information without causing alarm. Children look to adults for guidance on how to react to stressful events. If parents seem overly worried, children may panic. Parents should reassure their children that health and school officials are working hard to ensure that people throughout the country stay healthy. However, children also need factual, age appropriate information about the potential seriousness of disease risk and concrete instruction about how to avoid infection and spread of the virus. Teaching children positive preventive measures, talking with them about their fears, and giving them a sense of some control over their risk of infection can help reduce anxiety.

Specific Guidelines

Remain calm and reassuring. Your children will react to and follow your verbal and nonverbal reactions. What you say and do about the flu virus and current prevention efforts can either increase or decrease your child’s anxiety. If true, emphasize to your children that they and your family are fine. Remind them that you and the adults at their school are there to keep them safe and healthy. Let your children talk about their feelings and help put their concerns into the appropriate perspective. Make yourself available. Your children may need extra attention from you and may want to talk about their concerns and questions. Make time for them. Tell them you love them and give them plenty of hugs and kisses. Know the symptoms of Swine Flu and how it spreads. Symptoms of Swine flu include fever, sore throat, and cough. Some people also have a runny nose, fatigue, body aches, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. The virus is transmitted through the coughing or sneezing of people infected with the virus. People may also become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouths or noses. The virus is not spread by eating pork or other foods. Review basic hygiene practices. Encourage children to practice everyday good hygiene by washing their hands, by covering their mouths with a tissue when they sneeze or cough, and by not sharing food or drinks. These simple steps are very effective at preventing the spread of flu and other illnesses. Giving children guidance on what they can do to prevent infection gives them a greater sense of control over the flu and will help to reduce their anxiety. Be honest and accurate. In the absence of factual information, children often imagine situations far worse than reality. Don’t ignore their concerns, but rather explain that at the present moment the vast majority of people, even those who are sick, will be okay. Nationwide, the number of people who are currently sick is very small. Children can be told that there are many ways to avoid the virus and that doctors can help to treat people who do get sick. Contact your school nurse or pediatrician and/or refer them to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) for factual information. Discuss new rules or practices at school. Many schools will be enforcing prevention habits. This might include more frequent hand washing or use of antibacterial soaps; for older children, schools may temporarily limit activities where students are in close proximity or sharing items. Your school nurse or principal will send information home. Be sure to discuss this with your child. Contact your school nurse with any specific questions. May 1, 2009 Avoid excessive blaming. When tensions are high, some people exert excessive energy trying to assign blame. It is important to avoid stereotyping any one group of people as responsible for the virus. Bullying or negative comments made toward another ethnic group should be stopped and reported to the school. Monitor television viewing. Limit television viewing or access to information on the Internet. Constantly watching updates on the status of the flu virus can increase anxiety. Engage your child in games or other interesting activities instead. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Maintain a normal routine to the extent possible. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promotes physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities, but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed. Communicate with your school. Let your school know if your child is sick, and keep them home. Talk to your school nurse, school psychologist, school counselor, or school social worker if your child is having difficulties as a result of anxiety or stress related to the flu. They can give guidance and support to your child at school. Follow all instructions from your school.

Take Time to Talk

You know your children best. Let their questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. However, don’t avoid giving them the information that health experts identify as critical to ensuring your children’s health. Be patient; children and youth do not always talk about their concerns readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. It is very typical for younger children to ask a few questions, return to playing, then come back to ask more questions.

Keep Explanations Age Appropriate

 Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should balance Swine Flu facts with appropriate reassurances that their schools and homes are safe and that adults are there to help keep them healthy and to take care of them if they do get sick. Give simple examples of the steps people take every day to stop germs, such as washing hands.

 Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what will happen if the Swine Flu comes to their school or community. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to prevent germs from spreading.  Upper middle school and high school students are able to discuss the issue in a more in-depth (adultlike) fashion and can be referred directly to appropriate sources of Swine Flu facts (e.g., the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Provide honest, accurate, and factual information about the current status of the Swine Flu. Having such knowledge can help them feel a sense of control. Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children  At the present time very, very few people are sick with the flu virus in this country. School and health officials are being especially careful to make sure as few people as possible get sick.  There are things we can do to stay healthy and avoid spreading disease, such as washing our hands, covering our mouths with a tissue when we sneeze or cough, and staying home when we don’t feel well.  Adults at home and school are taking care of your health and safety. If you have concerns, please talk to an adult you trust.  It is important that all students treat each other with respect and not jump to conclusions about who may or may not have the flu.

For Further Information Visit:

 The National Association of School Nurses: www.nasn.org

 The National Parent Teacher Association: www.pta.org

Federal Resources:

 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/key_facts.htm

 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: http://www.hhs.gov/

 U.S. Department of Education: http://www.ed.gov 

Updated by VRH on May 2, 2009

SCRIBD Is Where My Documents Are Stored-Ask Me for the Link!

 
This is Where I Store My Documents... This is from Scribed.

Sibling Rivalry Is Not Just for Kids!

Now, some people think that sibling rivalry is just for little children... We are supposed to grow out of it, say some others. But, if the rivalry is not managed properly, it will grow and worsen over time. Please don't believe the myths that "Kids will be kids," "That's normal," or "Just stay out of it and let them work it out." While these general comments may be correct... the parents must assess the situation carefully and know when and how to intervene... Ever read the Old Testament? Lot's of unresolved sibling rivalry, there! I guess it's been around before we had mental health "experts," huh....

Well.... He LOOKS Friendly... Kinda...

You know the feeling... when you see someone or meet someone and you think to yourself that something feels a bit "off base?" Some people listen to that "little voice" as it is called by some... Gavin DeBecker ("Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift...") 

Usually, that little whisper of "uh-oh" is correct... Please listen and behave accordingly...