Yeah, I know... "Do we HAVE to talk about it?!" "I hate conflict." "It's really okay; I'm over it!" So, here is the deal: Americans avoid conflict... and then, there is hockey... go figure...
In any case, what we often fail to acknowledge is that conflict is inherent in all relationships. It's part of the package. We are often so busy avoiding it that we never learn the "skill set" we need in order to negotiate conflict effectively, authentically and without damaging the relationship. Yes, I said "without damaging the relationship." Actually, these skills are not difficult, while coping with our own anxieties can be daunting. The alternative, however, is quite discouraging. Relationships are dynamic, always in flux, like the cells under a microscope. Once the dynamics slow or stop to vibrate, the relationship sustains damage and begins to fail, just like those organisms. If we hold our feelings and needs back, we drain the relationship of its energy; its zest!
However, the result/side effect is that we toss our anger, hurts, frustrations and fears into the proverbial "emotional hall closet," analogous to that place where we throw the old tennis racquets and gift boxes.
Eventually, it requires an increasing amount of energy to hold that door shut! Over time, that door begins to bulge and toxic waste begins to leak out from underneath. Given the proper amount of pressure, that door blows off, causing us to "lose it" or "blow up." In turn, that force results in blasting the door, shattering our relationship(s) and reinforcing our falsely held belief that all conflict is dangerous. However, as we learned in Statistics, "correlation is not causation." Next post, we'll discuss how to proceed... AKA "Conflict Education." Deep breath... inhale (smell the cookies) and exhale (blow out the cookies)... Take another...
