Helping Ourselves Let Go a Little at a Time

It used to be so easy to parent children... Ha! I am not serious...

The parents in the 50's relied on Dr. Spock and things were pretty simple, after that... Now, I see so many different parenting ideas out there, it confuses me!

Lately, quite a few parents have asked me about "letting go" of their child. I am not sure what they mean. I happen to think that this happens in stages, all along the trail, whether we recognize all of the tiny "letting go" changes we make, along the way. Our children  are changing and so are we... Think back: how to hold them up next to that coffee table, when to let them crawl around that corner... and when they come back to peek at us, they are so delighted... and so are we... 

That's just the start of it... they get busier, we get more tired.. They are so cute when they sleep!

I often recommend a wonderful book by Gavin deBecker, named "Protecting the Gift: How to Keep Children and Teens Safe and Parents Sane." It is an amazing parent-empowering book. Mr. deBecker speaks from authority and years of experience and presents very simple, practical tools which we can use and teach our children to use, as well. After that, Alfred Adler is the "father of child development," so other authors I recommend include Ginott, Faber and Mazlish, Dinkmeyer and McKay, Leach, and Erma Bombeck. Some ask me why I recommend Erma and I tell them that she had a lot of wise and funny things to say... and we need to keep our sense of humor, be gentle with ourselves and encourage one another all along the way...

Help Your Teen Let Go of Their Entitlement

Have you ever tried to challenge a teenager's burgeoning sense of entitlement? Or that same sense of entitlement in a toddler, for that matter? In either case, it is a daunting proposition...

It is developmentally appropriate for toddlers to have a sense of omnipotence, as they begin their mini march towards individuation. While teens are engaged in the "second round" of individuation, it is not inevitable that they will embrace that entitled experience.

Just a few suggestions: Please refrain from telling children how "special" they are. They are special to us, but not to the rest of the world. Please avoid promoting rabid "hyper competition." Please encourage their focus on developing their personal best, promoting cooperation and respecting themselves and others, in the process. Learning how to maintain relationships while working through competition or conflict is a pivotal skill set to master. This mastery will continue to contribute heavily to their future success, long after "the game" is done. 

This is a photo of one particle of dust from Jupiter, thanks to an amazing new telescope. It may or may not be relevant, but I think it is beautiful... and, thus... special to me...