Time Lapse Video of the Alps- from Dr. Shock

Timelapse movie: The Alps -- part I from Michael Rissi on Vimeo.

Domestic Violence Researcher Lundy Bancroft Speaks about Custody

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

How a Virus Flies (per NPR)

Atlantis: Rise Above, Be Bold and Abhor Bad Acts

I was having a conversation with one of my teenagers this week, we came across the light topic of "So, Is Man Basically Good or Bad?" Her argument was "They are bad."

I protested, she politely listened and then made the following speech: "No... we are basically bad and we have to be taught to be good. Then, it takes effort and energy and care to behave well.... Think about it. It is easier to blow someone off than to strive to reach them... It is easier to be rude than to be considerate... It is easier to eat with our hands than use a fork... It is easier to wipe our mouth with the back of our hand than to use our napkin..." I am deeply moved by these last several arguments... Maybe this child is seeing something which I have ceased to appreciate... Then she absolutely floored me by saying "I see how you are polite, you are kind, you insist on teaching us manners, grammar and taking the high road... I see you are disappointed when you see other people act like that... They just don't know any better... See? So, do I win the argument now?"... Wow...

The Katie Spencer Story by Burke Doeren

What a lovely story- how incredibly brave these parents have been... It reminds me of the phrase- "She won't remember as much about this- and you will never forget..." Thank you for making such a great movie, Mr. Doeren.

What a Perfect Day to Focus on Healing from Family Violence

What an ideal time of year to focus on the importance of healing and preventing further family violence. What is it? Where does it happen? It is endemic in our country, crosses all socioeconomic barriers, crosses all educational levels and is absolutely toxic to our families, our communities and our future generations.

Let it stop here... Listening to so many others over the past few months, describing what happens in their own experience... is humbling and a frequent reminder about that old saying "Let there be peace... and let it begin with me." The news about the recent gang rape in Richmond of a 15 year old girl, the news about the two young boys beaten and shot by randomly encountered teenagers last weekend catch our attention and mobilize us to call for justice. What about the well dressed girl standing behind us at Starbucks, on the way to school on Monday morning? Go to www.bullyonline.org and read the stories posted there... they include family bullying... and family violence... Heart wrenching education, there... and hope, as well.

Finding the Life Balance (AKA "I CAN"T DO THAT!") YES, YOU CAN!

The whole idea about balance is based on the idea that you must always be in motion.  You must be present, in the moment, in your body, attuned to yourself and the person in front of you. Sometimes, you may have some other things on your mind (or on the front of your head!) which some people call "intrusive thoughts." You know, the ones that sound like this "I can't do this right now! I have to get to the office/grocery store/feed the dogs/take a run/decorate for Halloween..." Right? I can hear the chatter in my head. Can you? Listen to it, take a breath (in through your nose, out through your mouth- smell the cookies, blow out the candles...) Then, tense up your shoulders and hold it... higher... and release them suddenly... feel that warmth? The relaxation allows you to take another breath; deeper this time... and exhale... Repeat as necessary. Select a thought. Some people call this a "mantra." One of my favorites is "I love and accept you just the way you are for today." Another is "I will trust that the universe is unfolding just as it should and I will improve every encounter I experience today." If you have trouble finding one, look up "affirmations" and choose one that speaks to you... Practice this every day until it becomes a part of your daily self care routine. Affirm the good and pass it on... "Validate the positive and embrace the challenges and changes ahead of me today. We call these  adventures..."

New Study Validates Kids Turn Program Helps Kids Cope with Divorce

Suicidology and the World Health Organization

Just a pretty button?

The recent rash of suicides among teenagers at Gunn High School in Palo Alto reminds me of the wealth of data available from the World Health Organization (WHO) about "Suicide and the Media." This information is readily available to the public about how these things should be handled. Their guidelines, which are published with updated statistics each year, do not advocate or support the current practices being followed by this community. 

Please do not push the button. 

http://www.who.org

San Patrignano- An Amazing Treatment Center

Restorative Justice Circles Part I

Mock Restorative Circle and Interview with Circle Former Participants - PART 1 from Lorenn Walker on Vimeo.

Restorative Justice Circles II

Mock Restorative Circle and Interview with Circle Former Participants - PART 2 from Lorenn Walker on Vimeo.

Bill to Add Medicare Coverage for MFT's - Support in the US Senate

Now, Here Is the Most Fabulous Divorce! A New Bar Has Been Raised!

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.

SnagFilms Film Widget

Family Therapy: Breaking Through the "Hostage Situation"

" I Feel Like We, the Parents, Are Hostages to our Children!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-ySzmn1FOE takes you to a link for the Video Clip on Structural Family Therapy, developed by Dr. Salvador Minuchin. The focus is on understanding the family's structure, the distinction between the subsystems (parents in the "luxury boxes" vs. children in the "cheap seats") the distribution and problems associated with power within the family "system" and the "joining" of the therapist to the family, in order to understand the family functioning and to address these characteristics: rigidity, overprotectiveness, lack of conflict resolution skills and enmeshment. It is important to pay particular attention to the interpersonal conflicts and alliances... Caveat: Family therapy is much like cleaning out the proverbial front hall closet- the one with the old skates and tennis racquets and the parts of the vacuum cleaner that look like 14th century weaponry... It looks worse before it gets better... The "overindulged" sector will resist the empowerment of the "parental sector" with varying degrees of force. The longer the disharmony has been in play, the more resistant the force. The therapist must use timing, humor, empathy and curiosity to start the illustrious change of events... Please check my playlist on you tube for other demonstrations of what this family therapy looks like... it really is not a mystery... just fasten your seat belts for the first 8-10 meetings...

A Lovely DNA Origami Box

What a beautiful box, which was made by strands of DNA + bits of DNA + a computer program and the results are published in Nature Magazine...

Sibling Rivalry Is Not Just for Kids!

Playing with Friends Can Be So Simple!

Parental Alienation (Canada): In OZ ~ A caring and sharing problem

Parental Alienation (Canada): In OZ ~ A caring and sharing problem Under review are these items: the presumption of shared parental responsibility and whether shared care is appropriate, the requirement to mediate before going to the Family Court, the Family Court's response to allegations of family violence and the interaction of federal family laws with state child protection and family violence laws. The link to this article should take you there.

Child Custody Decisions

Sibling Conflict: When Not To "Let Them Work It Out"

I saw it again, today... I think I see it almost every day or two... I was in the nursery (plants) and there were two little girls bickering and a STTM (stressed to the max) parent. As I looked around, all of the dozen or so adults looked tense as the girls escalated the behavior. Finally, the parent snapped... "Of COURSE, you are going to start crying now, right?" They probably had no idea how much all of us empathized with their plight- how to deal with little girls fussing without feeling like a inadequate parent. Not true! We're all in this, together, and we need all of the support we can possibly get!!

Thoughts for next time? Intervene early, tell both children that whatever the item or activity may be, it is now on a time out, due to their behavior. Deliver all of this in a mild, yet firm tone. When they protest (which will be in unison) empathize with their disappointment and resist the urge to tell them why or yack about fault... "I hear that you all are disappointed. We will try this again in an hour or so..."

And, then... Glide on....

Loyal Dog Waits for Family After Big Rig Crash!!

Summer Breeeezeee

They say that there exists such a thing as "Winds of Change..." If it isn't true, it sure should be... Around our neck of the woods, there is one child gearing up to launch, another comes closer and still steady on his track, their dad is the best balanced of the two of us, and my focus is changing in my work as I become increasingly troubled by how we model conflict resolution.

A wise (and smartie pants!) colleague asked me the other day: "Why don't you practice law?"

I responded "I do... I serve my role in mediation (and sometimes arbitration or evaluation or parent coordination) with custody, family mediation, elder mediation... I love the law and revere it... I just have a very hard time with the way it is practiced."

So, I just wait and watch as the idea of the interdisciplinary approach to helping heal ourselves ... thus modeling this for our "clients" continues to grow... I know this sounds odd, but my background is rooted as a hard science person.

Over the last 33 years, I have been exposed, jumbled and TAUGHT by the TRUE masters... my patients and my clients and all of the client families ... and my colleagues and my husband and my children ... and my own process of aging and (hopefully!) maturing... Every encounter humbles me and reminds me of the fragility and sanctity of life... even my recent encounter with Jeremy, the "Challenged AT&T Guy"... Thank God for Dale, the "REAL AT&T GUY!" Don't you love changing your office phones? EEK! It's all about the little things, every time!

How to Talk to Your Children About Swine Flu- from the Association of School Nurses

Talking to Children About Swine Flu (H1N1): A Parent Resource 

Concern over Swine Flu (H1N1) can make children and parents anxious. Although to date very few people in the United States have become sick, there is uncertainty about how far and quickly the virus will spread. Acknowledging some level of concern, without panicking, is appropriate and can result in people taking actions that reduce the risk of illness. Helping children cope with anxiety regarding the flu requires providing prevention information without causing alarm. Children look to adults for guidance on how to react to stressful events. If parents seem overly worried, children may panic. Parents should reassure their children that health and school officials are working hard to ensure that people throughout the country stay healthy. However, children also need factual, age appropriate information about the potential seriousness of disease risk and concrete instruction about how to avoid infection and spread of the virus. Teaching children positive preventive measures, talking with them about their fears, and giving them a sense of some control over their risk of infection can help reduce anxiety.

Specific Guidelines

Remain calm and reassuring. Your children will react to and follow your verbal and nonverbal reactions. What you say and do about the flu virus and current prevention efforts can either increase or decrease your child’s anxiety. If true, emphasize to your children that they and your family are fine. Remind them that you and the adults at their school are there to keep them safe and healthy. Let your children talk about their feelings and help put their concerns into the appropriate perspective. Make yourself available. Your children may need extra attention from you and may want to talk about their concerns and questions. Make time for them. Tell them you love them and give them plenty of hugs and kisses. Know the symptoms of Swine Flu and how it spreads. Symptoms of Swine flu include fever, sore throat, and cough. Some people also have a runny nose, fatigue, body aches, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. The virus is transmitted through the coughing or sneezing of people infected with the virus. People may also become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouths or noses. The virus is not spread by eating pork or other foods. Review basic hygiene practices. Encourage children to practice everyday good hygiene by washing their hands, by covering their mouths with a tissue when they sneeze or cough, and by not sharing food or drinks. These simple steps are very effective at preventing the spread of flu and other illnesses. Giving children guidance on what they can do to prevent infection gives them a greater sense of control over the flu and will help to reduce their anxiety. Be honest and accurate. In the absence of factual information, children often imagine situations far worse than reality. Don’t ignore their concerns, but rather explain that at the present moment the vast majority of people, even those who are sick, will be okay. Nationwide, the number of people who are currently sick is very small. Children can be told that there are many ways to avoid the virus and that doctors can help to treat people who do get sick. Contact your school nurse or pediatrician and/or refer them to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) for factual information. Discuss new rules or practices at school. Many schools will be enforcing prevention habits. This might include more frequent hand washing or use of antibacterial soaps; for older children, schools may temporarily limit activities where students are in close proximity or sharing items. Your school nurse or principal will send information home. Be sure to discuss this with your child. Contact your school nurse with any specific questions. May 1, 2009 Avoid excessive blaming. When tensions are high, some people exert excessive energy trying to assign blame. It is important to avoid stereotyping any one group of people as responsible for the virus. Bullying or negative comments made toward another ethnic group should be stopped and reported to the school. Monitor television viewing. Limit television viewing or access to information on the Internet. Constantly watching updates on the status of the flu virus can increase anxiety. Engage your child in games or other interesting activities instead. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. Maintain a normal routine to the extent possible. Keeping to a regular schedule can be reassuring and promotes physical health. Ensure that children get plenty of sleep, regular meals, and exercise. Encourage them to keep up with their schoolwork and extracurricular activities, but don’t push them if they seem overwhelmed. Communicate with your school. Let your school know if your child is sick, and keep them home. Talk to your school nurse, school psychologist, school counselor, or school social worker if your child is having difficulties as a result of anxiety or stress related to the flu. They can give guidance and support to your child at school. Follow all instructions from your school.

Take Time to Talk

You know your children best. Let their questions be your guide as to how much information to provide. However, don’t avoid giving them the information that health experts identify as critical to ensuring your children’s health. Be patient; children and youth do not always talk about their concerns readily. Watch for clues that they may want to talk, such as hovering around while you do the dishes or yard work. It is very typical for younger children to ask a few questions, return to playing, then come back to ask more questions.

Keep Explanations Age Appropriate

 Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should balance Swine Flu facts with appropriate reassurances that their schools and homes are safe and that adults are there to help keep them healthy and to take care of them if they do get sick. Give simple examples of the steps people take every day to stop germs, such as washing hands.

 Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what will happen if the Swine Flu comes to their school or community. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to prevent germs from spreading.  Upper middle school and high school students are able to discuss the issue in a more in-depth (adultlike) fashion and can be referred directly to appropriate sources of Swine Flu facts (e.g., the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention). Provide honest, accurate, and factual information about the current status of the Swine Flu. Having such knowledge can help them feel a sense of control. Suggested Points to Emphasize When Talking to Children  At the present time very, very few people are sick with the flu virus in this country. School and health officials are being especially careful to make sure as few people as possible get sick.  There are things we can do to stay healthy and avoid spreading disease, such as washing our hands, covering our mouths with a tissue when we sneeze or cough, and staying home when we don’t feel well.  Adults at home and school are taking care of your health and safety. If you have concerns, please talk to an adult you trust.  It is important that all students treat each other with respect and not jump to conclusions about who may or may not have the flu.

For Further Information Visit:

 The National Association of School Nurses: www.nasn.org

 The National Parent Teacher Association: www.pta.org

Federal Resources:

 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/key_facts.htm

 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: http://www.hhs.gov/

 U.S. Department of Education: http://www.ed.gov 

Updated by VRH on May 2, 2009

Sex, Love and Addiction: Dr. Elaine Brady's Free Public Presentation

Sex, Love and Addiction

A  FREE  Public Presentation Series 

  

                              Hosted By:  The Sequoia Center   

Presenter: Dr. Elaine Brady

June 4   Sex, Love and Addiction

What is Love and Sex Addiction? What is Sexual Anorexia?  How are they related to alcohol/drug addiction? What causes it? What does it take to overcome it? 

June 11    Partners of Sex Addicts  

Is your partner a Sex and Love Addict?  How are you and your family being affected by the problem? What does my Recovery process look like? Can your relationship be saved?  

June 18  Cybersex: Caught in the Web 

Millions of people are addicted to Cybersex activities and their lives are being ruined as a result.  This class explains how it happens, how to get out of it, and what to do if it’s your partner who’s trapped.

June 25  Early Recovery for Individuals & Couples

How to stay “sober” and rebuild your life and relationships. 

Time:  Thursdays, 7-9 pm

Location:  El Camino Hospital, 2500 Grant Rd., Mt. View,  CA  94040 

Main Bldg., downstairs conference  rooms:  6/4, 6/11, 6/18 Rm. A     6/25 Rm. B

Pre-Registration is Requested:  This enables us to provide adequate seating and to reach you in the event of a room change.  

Contact:  Dr. Elaine Brady at docelaine@elainebrady.com or call  408-260-9305

Presenter: Dr. Elaine Brady is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Addiction Specialist and a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. She has 25 years of experience working with relationship issues and substance abuse problems.  She publishes, teaches at local Universities, and provides counseling and consulting services through her San Jose office.  

Visit her website:  elainebrady.com

Re: Wash Your Hands

Great Video from a Teen about HANDWASHING!!

Swine Flu Updates Directly from the CDC and Department of Human Services

Conflict Avoidance, Conflict Education, Conflict Resolution

Just did an excellent Advanced Mediation training by Steven Rosenberg, Esq.  up in Mill Valley. Great presentation for two days, wonderful to meet some of my fellow minded peers, from all over the place... Good times...

Grief About Hazing "Prank" Results in Death of Gordy- University of Colorado at Boulder

Parental Alienation (Canada)

Parental Alienation (Canada): Judge in Parental Alienation Case: 'Hate doesn't grow in children normally. It is usually taught to them'

Well... There is a powerful quote made by Judge Gomery, in the recent appellate case of Ermel v Ermel. There are a number of others contained in the appellate opinion and quotes of the judges statements to the mother of the children, who had been unable to follow the Court Orders and the case had crawled on for years and years...

Food for thought...

Keep Your Sense of Humor at ALL Times!

Well, sometimes the best way to talk about the most serious of topics is with the lightest of voices, the kindest of tones... Pair these with gentle and invited touch... Enclose your heart and the message is very likely to be heard...

Family "orogamies" are tricky and elusive. Over these last years, I have enjoyed getting the "knits" out... and these are some of the most courageous and wonderful of people (particularly the parents) of any that I have known... It is a bold step to put yourselves out there, acknowledge you're out of your depth, you have got yourselves all tangled up... and you love your spouse, your children, your family... enough to get your tootsies out there... Now, THAT takes GUTS!  These families are amazing... and a lot of fun to work with... because they are sufficiently miserable... and that is a great motivator to "think different."

NPR's Audio Program on Child Custody Evaluators

NPR's Program on Child Custody Evaluators is very well done.

SCRIBD Is Where My Documents Are Stored-Ask Me for the Link!

 
This is Where I Store My Documents... This is from Scribed.

Sibling Rivalry Is Not Just for Kids!

Now, some people think that sibling rivalry is just for little children... We are supposed to grow out of it, say some others. But, if the rivalry is not managed properly, it will grow and worsen over time. Please don't believe the myths that "Kids will be kids," "That's normal," or "Just stay out of it and let them work it out." While these general comments may be correct... the parents must assess the situation carefully and know when and how to intervene... Ever read the Old Testament? Lot's of unresolved sibling rivalry, there! I guess it's been around before we had mental health "experts," huh....

Prevent Elder Abuse... Please Do Not Try This At Home!

This little video clip serves as a friendly reminder that every "old dog" gets his or her day... and how important it is to show respect and kindness to our older folks... or your karma might just catch up with you!!

Well.... He LOOKS Friendly... Kinda...

You know the feeling... when you see someone or meet someone and you think to yourself that something feels a bit "off base?" Some people listen to that "little voice" as it is called by some... Gavin DeBecker ("Gift of Fear" and "Protecting the Gift...") 

Usually, that little whisper of "uh-oh" is correct... Please listen and behave accordingly...

Just a Parody About Mood Alteration Media (click me!)

"FDA Release:  New Medication for the Annoyingly Cheerful!"So, why does this remind me of the tale of "The Three Bears?" One mood is "too low" and the next mood is "too high"... and we just need to make ourselves feel "juuuuusssstt right!" If this weren't such a serious topic (psychopharmacology) it might be funny. I just reviewed the literature last month and came across a troubling statistic: Of the studies about the efficacy of antidepressants, there was a discrepancy (over a number of years) resulting in the following:

1. If the study's result was positive, it was published 94% of the time. 2. If the results were negative, it was published 14% of the time. This is scary to me... Not that I am against the judicious and prudent use of medication as a potential adjunct ... I just think that we need to inform the consumer public with a balanced approach and review of the literature...

Eco-Friendly Families

So, the best way of formulating an "Eco-Family," is to conduct ourselves in a particular manner.

Initial Premise: It is not always about the individual's pursuit of happiness... it is about the satisfaction of pride in not throwing our families away... 

Follow these guidelines:

1. Avoid "trash talking" other family members.

2. Refuse to "throw away" other family members, whether via divorce and/or alienation.

3. Conduct your family relationships as if you were a cell, with a semi-permeable membrane: ie "Everyone can come in and no one can leave." (There are two exceptions)

4. Learn effective conflict resolution skills and practice them often.

5. Avoid disposal of "family parts."