Well... Fewer issues bring greater panic into a parent's eyes than that of their child's (gulp) budding sexuality- and their developing relationships, which might include a sexual aspect... "He's IM'ing with 2 college girls and he is only in 11th grade!!!" I sometimes will ask parents (in families where there is an oldest child entering 6th grade) "So, how much have you all discussed about sex with your children?" This usually elicits a litany of descriptions (largely pejorative) about what they were told by their own parents... "Don't... wait until you're married... I'll get my shotgun...," et cetera.) Needless to say, this is a daunting task.
Here are a few of my little suggestions:
1. Start young, short time periods and use analogies and metaphors: "Yes, look at those cute baby monkeys... I'll bet their parents got married and decided to have them in that very tree!"
2. Talk in the car (AKA "A Captive Audience is the Best Audience") starting out with something like this: "Hey, have you guys ever heard of....?" "Have any of your friends started talking about dating/ girlfriends/ boyfriends/ kissing/ making out/ hooking up?" "What do they say?" "What do you think about that?" Try to keep your tone light and fluffy and casual, as if you were the weather person on the news... eternally light and breeeeezzyyyy.... fake it..... Yes, you can!
3. Repeat #1 and #2 frequently.... make yourself almost background noise.. cheery and casual.
4. Mention "I have heard that some of the people your age are thinking about ___. Have you heard anything like this from your classmates? ... Friends?... Sometime along, you will hear about some of these things and I don't want you to worry about talking with us about it- no names required- we are only interested in keeping all of you all safe and well informed."
5. "Can we talk about safe sex? Have you heard anyone ever talk about safe sex? How about oral sex? Some people your age think that you cannot endanger your health if they engage in oral sex... What is your opinion? Can you help me to understand how people your age describe this?/understand this? If you were giving advice to (choose a beloved younger child) what would you suggest to them? How should we explain these things to them?
Get the picture?
If you have fainted or had a seizure, please seek immediate medical assessment... At the same time, when you return, please reread, take a deep breath, look for your opportunity and SEIZE THAT MOMENT!
Good luck! Please remember that you are doing an amazing job, 'way outside your comfort zone. Remember the goal: no dead children. We are all in this, together.
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