Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Watchful Mothers and Their Young: Gavin deBecker is Correct

Several months ago, I heard a story about a young girl who went out with her mother for ice cream. As they emerged from the car, the child darted into the store ahead of her mom, while remaining within the mother's clear line of sight. The mother entered the store 20-30 seconds behind her daughter, walked up to the counter where her daughter and the cashier stood, gave her order and paid for the ice creams. The two of them sat down and waited for their names to be called when their items were ready to pick up. The mother noticed that the normally chatty child was quiet and asked her "What's wrong? You are being very quiet." The child said "That man was talking to me and he made me feel very uncomfortable inside." "What man?" asked the mother. "The man who just picked up his order and left as soon as we sat down" said the child. 
Slowly, the mother recalled seeing someone in the corner of her eye as she entered the shop, but she had no idea what he looked like. "What did the man say to you?" asked the mother.  "He said hi and I didn't want to say hi back so I said it very softly and didn't look at him. Then he asked me if I like this ice cream store. I didn't want to answer him so I just said yes very softly. Then he asked me what I was going to order and then the cashier called to me and asked me if she could help me. You came into the shop right then." The mother asked the child if the cashier saw the man. "Oh yes, Mom. And I could tell she was uncomfortable, too. She looked worried." 
In fact, when the mother and child later discussed this with the cashier, she confirmed to them that she was worried and couldn't explain why. The cashier merely said "I felt very uncomfortable with the way that man was looking at you." That was enough to spur her into action.
Good jobs well done, all around. Paying attention to that little voice inside, what Gavin deBecker calls the "wild brain" is our best safety device and teaching our children to use it is one of the finest gifts we can give to them.